Letting go

The other day I was asked by a friend of mine, and dad to two young girls, if my parents being divorced really effected me, as he and his wife had divorced a couple years prior and he was nervous of the toll it would take on his children.  Undoubtably I told him, "It was for the best".  I think he was a little shocked, as I suppose this isn't your typical response.  But the truth is, as hard as it can be to see, sometimes two people might love and care for each other, but they aren't meant to be together forever.  I was talking to my mom the other day about when her and my dad first met, "It was magical", she said and smiled, "We had so much fun together, we would go jogging together, go on trips, he was always surprising me with flowers and different things, we just loved being with each other".  Though they truly loved and enjoyed each other in the beginning, everything that is good doesn't always last.  During my childhood there were lots of screaming matches, disagreements and in general just not good things between my parents.  I remember when they were together it worked like clockwork, every holiday or special day there was some kind of fight that ended with them yelling at each other and someone leaving.  It was heartbreaking, really just devastating.  It seemed like every day that was so special to everyone else, always ended badly for our family.  Even though it's been years since they've been divorced, I was reminded of how bad that feeling of having a special day go bad hurts yesterday.  

My mom, sister and I had planned to go pick out a tree, decorate it and just be with each other last night, something I was really looking forward to as we haven't gotten to see each other as much as we'd like to lately.  All I know is that the two of them had some kind of miscommunication/disagreement and I was caught in the middle, with both sides telling me what they thought, saying we won't be having a Christmas tree this year and all kinds of things.  Just like so many years before, that feeling came back and cut deep, I felt so hurt, and still do.  It felt just like before.  

As I've gotten older, I've tried to let the small stuff go, things that are irrelevant in the end, just let them be, and sometimes I wish everyone else would too.  Was a small disagreement worth ruining that special night?  I don't know, but if it were me, I'd try my best to move forward, no matter the disagreement.  Not that anyone is right or wrong, that's just how I feel.  I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, I think it's more for me than anything.  I don't really like opening up and talking about things, I guess this is my way of letting everything out and letting go.        

So I guess what's done is done, I'm taking my own advice and moving on and forward, I'm hoping everyone else can too.

Mom, Dad and Steph, I love you.