Disappointment

So I didn’t get the job.  It’s out, whewwww.  Though it hurts, it feels good to say it and be honest with myself.  Looking back I think, isn’t it funny that I actually thought Express would offer me a real, corporate, big time fashion job?  And that I might move to Ohio?  Ha!  I had all the confidence in the world, and everything with my Ohio interviews went great, so I guess what hurts the most is just feeling like I’m not good enough.  I told Matt (the bf) before I got the news that what would really disappoint me is if I didn’t get the job after meeting face to face with my potential future employers, because I feel like I bring so much to the table, and am such a hard worker with a huge drive to succeed, that anyone who met me would get that and want someone with those qualities working for them.  I wanted to show all of those employers who never opened my cover letter and resume that I am worth something and I would be an amazing addition to any company.  Well, I obviously didn’t do that.  I feel like I’m kind of in a rut of feeling like no one will ever want to hire me, like I’m a failure.  The whole sending out cover letters and resumes thing gets pretty old after a few weeks, though it does have its perks (gym, tanning, nails and Facebook at any time I’d like).   I’ve been trying not to get depressed lately but it is so hard.  It just flat out sucks when you can feel something in your hands and so easily have it taken away.  I also feel like I just wasted a couple weeks with phone and in person interviews and not really focusing on looking for other jobs.  Ugh.  I need to stop being so mopey!!

I spent last week working on my last blog post (see below) on the Top 5 Online Shopping Hotspots (did you guys like it?) and looking for and applying for jobs.  Though I did find a lot of prospects, I know not to get my hopes up because a lot of them just won’t get back to you.  Also, all of them are located outside of Arizona – there are many I found in New York and LA, one in Seattle, one in Texas – everywhere but here!  I figured that would be the case, and it sucks to be faced with that reality.  I guess Ohio wouldn’t have been that bad.  Oh well, moving on!  I guess that’s all there is to do – move on and suck it up.  I do think that now I want something even better than Express, and maybe this happened for a reason.  This experience has given me, though a hit in my confidence, more drive to really want something, the best, for myself.  I know that I am worthy of my dream job, and I need to really do whatever it takes to get it.

So here’s to finding the best and being your personal best, and realizing that when someone (or something!) knocks you down it only makes you stronger.

The search, and journey, continues.  Cue the Taylor swift music.